Some of you may be wondering how my one experience with therapy has worked out for me. Overall, I have to admit that it has been a positive experience.
While I didn't have the experience I expect or even wanted, it was beneficial. I WANTED things to be better and really did my best to internalize what was said to me.
I don't know that anyone likes to hear that they are too sensitive and expecting too much. I still don't think it's expecting too much to have my family closer, considering how distant they are. But the counselor pointed out that my mother and sisters (specifically, a certain sister) have always been this way and they aren't going to change. I have to lower my expectations or I will continue to be disappointed and hurt.
He also described something he referred to as the Principle of Least Interest. In effect, it means that the person who cares the least has the most control because he or she sits back while people reach out to them. Until they see or get something they desire, they remain uninterested in the relationship. I am 38 years old. My sister is 37. She has mastered this principle. I have played into her trap for well over 30 years. I am no longer playing and it feels very freeing.
Along the lines of this principle, I have experimented with it in my other family relationships while practicing not being overly sensitive. It is working. I am feeling better.
I made a trip to visit with my mom last weekend. The two days and two nights I spent there weren't any different from most of the visits I'd been making over the last several years. I feel that my changed outlook drastically changed my experience. I enjoyed myself, much to my own surprise and relief! in order to do so, I had to ignore a lot and overlook much. But it worked.
My family is never going to be close. That is difficult to accept. I still feel very sad that my sister doesn't care. Families are supposed to love and accept you when the rest of the world might throw you out. It's a little inside out for me. But I am using this experience to give me guidance in rearing my own children and supporting my husband. These are the people that I plan to have through life's greatest difficulties and most rewarding moments. Anyone else will just be an added blessing, if they decide to join us.
I am sticking with my decision to not return for further counseling. Maybe I will reconsider in the future, but it won't be with that guy. I really am feeling lighter and happier than I was before. I guess we'll see how it goes from here.
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I'm glad you're feeling better about things. While reading this post I was reminded of a one day seminar thing they had us do at work. We were with a group of about twenty people and throughout the day they kept asking us how we felt about the people we were with - and whether they were the ones that had changed, or we were. It's not fair, but the only variable that remains constant in dealing with other people is you. So that's the only thing you can count on having control over. Just my two cents ;) Love ya!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that you're happy. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this matters or not, but you are one of the ones on the top of my list of whom I admire! I think you are a wonderful mom and there is a little envy there for me. I keep thinking that if I were the kind of mom you are maybe things would be a little different for my kids. Ya..family matters, but you may find in a few yrs that your little family are the ones who are there for you and who you count on. They are your life...if that makes any sence. Luv you just the way you are. You make me smile :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations.
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